i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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