he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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