I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
