oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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