He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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