Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize