The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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