you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
