we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
