puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
