if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
