i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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