Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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