If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize