i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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