The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
