Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
