..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
