Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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