He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
