I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My balls are so social today.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
