when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
