I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
