it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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