i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
