i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
