I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
