goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
