Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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