Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
