someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize