can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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