Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
