I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
