I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
pray to the hookup gods
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
