I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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