Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
