we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
