Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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