I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
