I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
