mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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