How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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