bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize