He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
