i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
