God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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