You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize