he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
