What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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