We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
