I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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