She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
