pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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