So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
