I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize