i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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