dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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