During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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