This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
