so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
