my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
