his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think i got beer on your cat.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
