he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That accounts for only three of the penises
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
