it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
