watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
