you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
