OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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