as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
