We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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