my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
