He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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