u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
