Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
