Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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