It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
