Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
